Dearest Madam Worrier,

I think we need to talk. I'm concerned that you think just because Brack and I trotted up the field today to see you that you are popular. THIS IS NOT TRUE. We was hungry. Simple.

Our breakfast today was much superior, I noticed that you'd put a bit more water in it today which stopped the nasty chalky taste from all them supplements. BRAVO. It was nice that you stood and chatted to us while we ate but I'm disappointed that you spent so much time cuddling Bracky. Please don't do this again. He doesn't like it. Nor do I.

We both agreed that it was kind of you to give us a good pile of hay each this morning cos it was so cold. Did you notice your mistake though?? Hahahaha you thought you were giving us straw too but it WAS HAY!!!!! LOSER!!! That means TGTM will do the same thing tonight ....you must have mixed the bales up. Oh Dear me!!!!

You really need to watch your critical attitude btw and I cannot believe you have the fecking cheek to wonder whether I've put a bit of weight on this last week. Cheeky moo!!!! It's mud nd fluff don't you know. Brack and I were chatting after you left and we both agree that actually YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!! Lol nex door suggested that we could make you a track system to keep your chubby body moving however Brack prefers the option of muzzling you and soaking your grub. You Can let us know what you think. Brack says as as much as you annoy him he would like you to start riding him sometimes too.....don't worry he will clearly let you know when he's tired by trying to kick you.

As much as you have irritated me I must say I enjoyed our wee kiss goodbye today.

Yours sincerely

Frank x