Mardy worrier

Hmmmmmm TW is being a mardy bum at the moment I think. Up she came as usual, I was happy to see her cos I've heard her chuntering things about me and her not being perfect partners anymore. I don't think so love, you ain't gonna get rid of this boy for nowt! Now I know she wold NEVER get rid of me but if she thinks she's gonna get some other cobalob to ride while I just sit in the field she can FECK RIGHT OFF!! Worrier lady just needs to get her arse in gear and 1. Lose some weight 2. Ride me more often 3. Buy me a nice snazzy new expensive saddle. SORTED! What's the bleddy problem?? Anyhoo, in I came and started munching on timmy. TW bogged off with the muscley dog for a wee spot of exercise then it was back, quick tootsie check and tack up. How fecking long does it take to tack up? jeez!!! Today it was fat shims at the back and thin shims at the front. Tried a few different girth options , moved the saddle forward, moved the saddle back. Faffing faffing faffing. Then bridle and beads on and over to the mounting block. On she got and then realised that she hadn't pulled the other stirrup down. Hehehehehe!! NOB!! She managed to do it without dismounting though. Well done! Now about this saddle malarkey......it's been slipping to the left abit and today TW thought it might be CS I have a wee bit of fluid on my right shoulder....rob gets it too cos of the grass. Think it might be slipping back too when we ride. Hmmmmmmm. Off we went, a wee bit slow over stonies, through the village then onto the main road. Silly focker had forgotten her glasses so crossing the main road was fun. Fortunately in the end one lane of traffic slowed for us and we trotted across in from of the big milk lorry. Good job I'm a good boy in traffic. Now I was happy to be over the road cos quite frankly ( pardon the pun) I'm bored of the wee bridlepath. Problem was there was loads of lush green grass everywhere. OMG. I just want it all. NOW! TW wouldn't let me though so we had a few wee disagreements hehehehe. We only went as far as the hedge and NO I DONT WANT TO TROT! When she turned me round I was pissed right off and pulled lots of grumpy faces. Just cos I could. So we turned round and then round again. I gt bored of being grumpy then and got back to trying to make TW let me eat grass. Out of the blue a cheeky man on a cheeky bike appeared in front of me. AAARGH!!!!!! I tried to turn and run but TW said I was silly. So what if I've seen loads of bleddy bikes before??? This was was SCARY!!! On we went with me occasionally grabbing some grass while TW chuntered on about how I was obviously miserable and wanted t live somewhere else. COCK OFF nob head. I was just hungry!! Back on the man road, into the village where she jumped off and we had a few more fights over eating grass. She won this time , don't want her replacing me with another pony now do I? Then I settled down in my stable for hay and grub while TW and TMD went for a big walk to pick me cleavers. NICE!! When they came back TW had a cuppa and her brekky, she offered me a slice of peach but it smelled DISGUSTING! Didn't share the bleddy banana with me though . Charming!! my stifle is a bit sore by the way, been resting my leggy poo a bit today. Then it was down t the field to see Brack where I let TW give me some nice scratched. A wee while later she and the muscley dog came down with another bowl of grub for me and Bracky, he was well happy hehehe. No cheeky timmy hay though. Rubbish!